The Midnight News 8.27.01
Posted By Hyatte on 08.27.01
All American Morons, K-Dawg, MECW, Styles, Nash, Ryder, CRZ, Hollywood Stuff, and Message Boredom
Hello.
I'm horrifically late... and there's like... nothing to report... well, there IS stuff to fill this column, but very little actual wrestling news. I'll do what I can.
Oh, and if you saw Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and did NOT want to bang Eliza Dushku from behind with her head in a McDonald's toilet that hasn't been flushed in two weeks... the you are a homo.
THE INDY A-HOLE
So, that Indy wrestler whose e-mails to me were so moronic & silly that I HAD to post them (and elicited the most response EVER in the history of the MidNews) decided to fight back and get revenge by crying to hotmail and getting my account closed. That's how he tries to win... by crying to the authority... like a little suckass baby. Makes you wonder just how he behaves when one of the boys in that promotion he "works" for (run by his UNCLE, by the way) upsets him. "Waah wah... he's being mean to me... make him STOP UNCLE!!!"
It's okay tho'... it's only a minor inconvenience. I just got myself a yahoo account. So, if you people sent me anything since Thursday... I didn't get it. If it's something you really wanted me to read, send it Here.
I wonder when Jeffy realized that when he sobbed to Hotmail and had the account closed, he made it impossible for me to get any letters from HIM gloating about shutting down my e-mail account. I'm sure it only took about 4 tries to send me something before figuring it out.
It's cool tho' see, I did manage to get one letter from another Indy worker- who shall remain nameless- who set the story straight. See, The All American Jeff Peterson is considered something like a mascot in the fed. Everyone respects him for surviving lung cancer, but no one takes him seriously. None of the boys think he'll actually do anything in the business, not even his Uncle... he just gets to hang around the locker room. That's it. Basically, he's just a mark who gets to hang backstage and work from time to time. I think he even sweeps up after a show. Rather pathetic, really.
here's a picture of him. Notice how he really fills out that singlet. Check out those arms. Yeah, a real worker.
Hey, how do you get into a wrestling company's Hall of Fame after only 4 years in the business and never holding any gold?
Easy, just make sure your Uncle runs the company.
John D'Arcy puts the whole thing in perspective...
Hey, Hyatte. Long time reader, occasional writer. As you may know, I was a big fan of Al and Scoops when they were around, especially when you were onboard and not having your nuts chopped off on a weekly basis by the Slammer. One thing I particularly liked about the site is how Al was the most genuine guy when it came to well-wishing. As a matter of fact, he once wished a 19 year old worker well that virtually NOBODY outside of some little town like Bumblef*ck, PA, knew of. You knew this was serious because Al wasn't prone to over-emote. He wasn't going to wish someone well because they sprained their ankle. Nothing quite so mundane. This 19 year old indy worker had lung cancer. Through no fault of his own. Al hears about it, and, knowing that it's f-ed up for anyone to get cancer but especially someone so young who takes care of their body, he rallies his readers behind him to help get/keep the guy positive about the situation. The last I heard, the situation didn't look good. You know, I never found out whether he beat it or it got him.
Until I read your 8/23 MNN.
I'm sad to see Jeff squandering a second chance at life that a lot of people don't get.
KONAN THE BOREBARIAN
Everyone's favorite pseudo-Latin King gang member, KONAN did a radio show a few days ago. The Lariat recapped it.
-He opens by announcing that his AOL contract expired last month. He's been passing the days doing Indy work and keeping it real in Mexico. He gets Vampiro on Britain for a WrestleXpress show.
-He'll also be a part of the Vince Russo written Australian Tour for the WWA. Bagwell, Juvee, Stevie Ray, Sid, Big Vito, Jeff Jarrett, the Road Dogg and the Harris Brothers are all set. Says that they are trying to get Ken Shamrock signed too.
-Said that he and Vampiro had real heat in Mexico because Konan got a part on a Mexican soap opera over Vamp because Vamp couldn't speak Spanish. (Haw? Which show? All My Eses?). Thery get along now, although Vamp is still a weirdo.
-Said that Russo never had a chance to make WCW succeed because of outside forces. Talked up Russo, saying that he worked very hard to get every wrestler in the company a shot (can't argue with that)
-Said that Bischoff should have been more "humane" with is talent... and that his biggest problem was putting too much emphasis on Hulk Hogan.
-Said that WCW should have worked harder to build new stars. He still cannot believe how badly they botched Bret Hart's push.
-Said his favorite time in WCW was when he was part of the Wolfpack
-He had heat with Nash after making a comment about Nash getting lap dances. Said that Nash shoved him against a wall and was ready to punch him. Excused himself by saying how he was always cracking jokes and couldn't understand why Nash would take him seriously. (maybe because he was in the middle of a divorce at the time?)
-He talked up Kevin Sullivan and praised Sullivan's booking of the Japanese and Luchador guys.
-Said that if Russo and Nash had the book from day 1, things would be a lot different today.
-Said that Lex Luger kept him down by talking in Bischoff's ear. Said that he was always out of breath during his matches because his pre-match mic work took so much energy.
-Said that WCW was afraid of the angle he did with Master P because they thought gang wars would erupt (HAW!!!!! Too funny)
-Was not a big fan of taking the masks off of the Mexican workers. Said that Bischoff was hell bent on doing it and didn't appreciate the importance of masks to the Mexican audience.
-Konan would love to go to the WWF and work with his old buds again. He's also available for a WWF announcing gig.
That's about it. Not too bad, actually.
MECW: WE HARDLY KNEW (OR CARED ABOUT) YE
Widro gave me this tidbit from The Torch Newsletter
With MECW about to implode in record time, the current feeling in the WWF is that any and all wrestlers who went to work for John Collins have effectively f-ed themselves out of a shot at the big time for a while. The WWF isn't about to put forth the image that they are strip mining yet ANOTHER company.
JOE-E VS PAUL-E
Now HERE'S some incentive to get the premium pop-up free 1bob...
Scherer teased that Joey Styles latest exclusive Hotline message compares Paul Heyman to garbage scow!! (damn stinking KLINGON!!!)
Styles also says that Gary Condit could have hired Heyman to coach him on how to lie just as well as his political spin doctors, only Heyman would have come much cheaper.
For more shooting on Paul... pay for the premium site and LISTEN!!! Or READ!! However it works.
NASH BRIDGES...UNBURNED
Another The Torch Newsletter newsbite by way of Widro...
If Nash does show up in the WWF next year (and this is a very safe bet), it won't be from a lack of trying.
Even as I speak, a few WWF people are trying very hard to remind Vince about how much of a troublemaker Big Sexy was in the locker room back in the Diesel days. Plus, his work ethic was never that good. Vince, however, seems to remain steadfast in his love for Big Daddy Cool's size and charisma and is looking forward to bringing him home. Probably with Scott Hall in tow, if Hall stays clean.
Bruce Mitchell said it best... the coolest thing to do with these two is have them step out on Raw for the very first time with a mic and say "Mission accomplished".
SIX DEGREES OF RYDER FAKIN'
Not sure if you noticed...
Today marks the anniversary of the death of Keith Moon, legendary party animal and drummer for arguably the greatest band ever, The Who.
One of the more popular songs by the Who is "Won't Get Fooled Again" which in the eyes of many people is a quintessential rock and roll song.
Many wrestlers were fooled by the latest con man to enter the wrestling world, John Collins, the owner of MECW. Reports indicate that many wrestlers have not been paid and have been stranded at various airports around the country with no tickets to the show or return flights home.
Collins side of the story is that a call from Paul Heyman canceling flight tickets has been the reason behind many of his problems.
Paul Heyman, of course, is the former owner of ECW, a company whose original "hardcore fans" were nicknamed the "Bleacher Bums" which consisted of a group of loyalists who included Dave Scherer.
Dave Scherer turned allegedly turned down a job with MECW. The may be attributed to the desire not to go aboard a sinking ship and stay with his current web duties at 1wrestling.com as well as his loyalty to the site's owner
BOB
Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin
Amazing....
THE FUTURE WONDER WOMAN???
Just a quick note... while going through the message boards, I found
this.
Go ahead... I DARE you.
VAGUE CRZ AOL MESSAGE TO ME OF THE WEEK
"I'll say hi to Prince for ya"
umm... okaaaay.
THE MIDNIGHT NEWS HOLLYWOOD REPORT
Once again, I hopped over to this place and picked up a couple of big time stars who have a little juicy nuggets going for them. Remember... none of this is verified. It's all rumors, gossip, and hearsay.
Brown, Downtown Julie. Multiple plastic surgeries. Was a prostitute when she first came to NYC.
Spears, Brittany. Breast implants. Has been known to enjoy marijuana on occasion. Has let her fame go to her head and become a beeyotch. She may still be a virgin, but per Justin Timberlake "her mouth ain't."
Van Der Beek, James. Former escort. Closet case. One of his recent birthday presents was John Wesley Shipp's favors.
Stone, Sharon. Unpleasant personality--over-full of herself. Steals quotes and does not give attribution; steals jewelry and does not return it. Formerly with Prince Albert of Monaco, Dwight Yoakum and Dweezil Zappa; reportedly nailed Bill Clinton on election night. Given to quickly selecting and then rejecting men, based on what they can do for her and what & how much they can buy her. Difficult to work with. Has had a tendency to tv shop for her one night stands--sees them on tv, rents a room, and then has her selections told to meet her there. Poor tipper. Breast implants. Dope smoker. Power-obsessed. Used the casting couch to get roles and her way on the set. Also linked with Russell Crowe.
Yeah, I hear Timberlake is a real prick too. But he's getting the one piece of ass that damn near EVERY male wants... that would make anyone a prick.
BUT, PLUGS
My apologies to the writers... but I have to fly through this...
Please welcome my boy Flea who now does the recap for
WWF Excess. Cheers to the man for throwing in a quiet little line about Al Isaacs and DARES the reader to recognize it.
Pat Brower recaps Jakked while Carlos (C-Dog) Mahuad recaps Heat. Two versions of purgatory that would've made dante say "Damn, that's harsh!"
Joe Rivett is still examining the suckage of X-Pac in his latest
Time for a Take. It's really a solid dissection of X-Pac's heat with the Net crowd.
One of the things I always liked about Blake Norton's work was when he booked an angle himself. For some reason, I'd always read it and say "damn, that would work!" Well he brings his fantasy booking to 411 and plots the dramatic return of HBK. It's Norton's Notes and it's good stuff.
Of course, lately, when you think "good stuff" you had best be thinking of Joshua Grut's
Wrestling Tale. I don't even need to sell it, you know how good it is.
Of course, lately (2), when you think "good stuff" you had best be thinking of Jeff Gardner's
Hanging Gardens. I don't even need to sell it, you know how good it is.
Heh... ha.
Okay... let's get to the traditional Monday faire...
ACROSS THE BOARDS
This week... I went here to the 411 forum, the Smarks, picked up a few quotes from the DVD board, and scammed some stuff from Lords of Pain.
Before we do this.. I have to say... PEOPLE!! FOR THE LOVE OF F-ING CHRIST ON A F-ING CROSS... IT'S SPELLED "FEUD".... NOT "FUED"!!! God, are you ALL illiterate?
"I can't wait until Booker slips and calls the Rock 'nigga'."
"Owen Hart was supposed to go over Austin for the IC title, But Steve was so afraid of bruising his character that he simply said he didn't want the title anymore in the storyline."
"My name is Ant. And bashing Undertaker is my Anti-drug."
"My name is ripper and posting is my anti-drug!"
"Kanyon will be champ in 6 months. you quote me"
"wHEN ME AND HHH were 15 we had a disagreement over who won an arm wrestling contest. He pushed me and i kicked the crap out of him pretty damm good thats why he decided to bulk up and become a wrestler. So the person you should thank for the Triple H we see today is me."
"Really? WOW, that's pretty cool! Can I have your autograph, since you saved the WWF and all that! You're my new hero! I mean, who cares if your story makes no sense, has no chance of being true, and is slightly muffled because your head is up your ass, I believe you anyways!"
"OK this is childish but, If SeanTC posts any more pictures on this thread, or this forum he is considered to be a fudgepacker!!!"
"Oh my lord please, please, please stop the RVD threads. I can't take it anymore! Yes the guy has fans, Yes the guy has critics ... GET OVER IT! If I see another thread devoted to RVD I will jump off a cliff I swear."
"You are all mentioning the GOOD Canadian wrestlers... Lets not forget Canada is responable for Test, Earthquake, Ronnie Garvin, Carl Oulette, Mounty and Luna Vachon!"
"Goldberg is a better wrestler than what most people give him credit for. Yeah on most nitro matches he may only do 4-5 moves but he KNOWS how to perform more moves than that. Thats all i was trying to say. To say he only knows how to do 2 moves is kind of silly. You know? And given the proper booking and etc. He could impress alot of the internet fans. Really he could."
"Professional wrestling has had a scarlet letter of the underclassed and unintelligent since the first time I laid eyes on the WWF product in 1985. Where did this stigma come from? It's impossible to lay the blame on one sole instance, as the perception simply grew in the developing stage of the sport. Some causes could have been prevented, some couldn't. Why does this negative aura still hover over the WWF? Because some things just can't be changed, and the things that can just simply show no sign of being altered by the WWF anytime in the near future."
"I'd rather see an 8 year old pretending to be Kurt with the 'Its TRUE' shirt on pounding milk than the 8 year old with the DX or Austin 3:16 shirt flipping people off and chopping their croth at authority b/c Stone COld does it. Kids are impressionable and will cheer whoever Vince says to cheer."
"I know he's a star and everything, but does anyone really see Scott Steiner fitting into the WWF? First of all, if you thought Buff Bagwell and the other WCW guys moved slow in the ring, remember that Steiner moves pretty slow himself."
"Have you ever been put into the walls of Jericho or any of those other finishers? Let your friends do it to you sometime. Its a joke that he guys don't tap out immediately because they hurt like HELL when pressure is applied."
"Ohhh... a Kevin Nash question (on Excess). Triple H did a nice job of answering it and avoiding it. This live thing could be interesting."
"twat"
"Mr. Perfect is the reason I started cheering for the heels. The guy was pompous, smug, arrogant, a real jackass, and yet great..no...absolutely PERFECT! I would mark out even when he was coming out to announce....but why, oh why, did he have to end his WWF run with a Marc Mero feud?!?!"
"here i was hopin for an informative discussion about HHH, and i got crap *sigh* Damn immature posters..."
"I'm scared that something crap will happen at Vince's return. He'll interfere in some big match or make some big industry-changing announcement or something."
"If 'the one' Billy Gunn and The Big Show are going to get reactions like the did on raw, i think they deserve a push in the Tag Titles division, as they do make the perfect team!!!"
"Yeah (Excess) might be the best recap show ever for wrestling."
"Someone told me that Reckless Youth recently retired, something about a disc in his back. I haven't seen this mentioned anywhere--can someone fill me in?"
"OK,call me a retard and all but on Fox News they said Clinton's lawyer was Bob Barnett,no sh*t"
"Goldberg a better wrestler then Sean Waltman, OH HELL NO!!!! Tell me he did not just say that, JUST BRING IT. Sean Waltman has wrestled with Justin Credible, Mary Janety, Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Ric Flair, HHH, Rock, Stone Cold, and far more then I can remember, and let me tell you, he sold so well that these guys looked like super human. Hell, the matches against Jericho and Tijairi are just some of his recent master pieces. You may like Goldburger, but sober up before you talk crazy!"
"Luke Johnston's Shooters website serves a purpose in the grand scheme of things as it's the only non-corporate site on the net that routinely offers news to readers, especially after Scott changed the Smarks to an Op/Ed format..."
(Hyatte's Note: What a F-ing moron)
"Effects of having Nash in the WWF? hmmm... ummm.... bankruptcy?"
"The Austin-WWF relationship is the perfect example of how wrestlers should be pushed, because it's been a 50/50 proposition all the way. Austin came into the WWF to lukewarm response, took the initiative to reinvent himself (which is his specialty), and got the WWF machine behind him and his talent to create the biggest wrestling boom we've ever seen."
"GET THE HELL OFF OF THE FORUM YOU SICK ASS FREAK!!!"
"any storyline where Stephanie is given mic time is a bad idea. Sorry."
"Midgets equal ratings. Just ask Al Snow."
"If they just get rid of UT and his husband, Sara, they would be fine and also they should stop trying to make Austin look like Hollywood Hogan, let him be a cowardly champion, but not some sort of ruthless leader, that everyone has to bow down before him, we've already seen it, and got bored of it, thats why WCW went under."
"Vince Mcmahon has never been creative, all his so-called creativity comes from taking ideas from others, such as WCW and ECW."
"How many people has Kane elevated in his feuds? Serious question, I don't know. I know he sells and jobs and suchlike, but does a feud against Kane really move you up the ranks?"
"I am in real need of an answer for this one.If anyone knows this answer please tell me:What was booker t's job before he got into wrestling?"
"Professional breakdancer."
"The most racist gimmick I can think of since Vince Jr. bought the WWF would be the manager Slick. His character was alleged to be a pimp and the music video for his entrance theme, Jive Soul Bro (which is a problem by itself), includes scenes of him eating fried chicken and doing other stereotypical 'Black' actions."
"The name Sapphire is a reference to minsteral theater, which of course involved performers dressing up in blackface. To call an African-American woman a Sapphire in some circles is considered an insult. According to Bad News, he informed Vince as such and was summarily ignored."
"well why don't u go to 1 wrestling, and u can have all the bullsh*t reporting that u cream for then go take it to momma and jizz all over him with your superior knowledge of cum grinding on the proper way 'sports entertainment' play by play. 'NEWSFLASH' IT'S A F**KING SOAP OPERA!Get a f-ing grip BILLY."
"Who cares what Hyatte is saying about you. He hasn't put out anything quality since the Mop-ups."
"Lance Storm and Chris Kanyon mean more to the future of the company that DDP does, who was hired for his name value alone. Ric Flair has name value. Bill Goldberg has name value. Scott Hall probably has name value. Kevin Nash has none. Everyone knows who Charles Manson is, but that doesn't mean we want him to be headlining Wrestlemania."
"the entire wwf roster is more deserving of a push than kevin nash even albert"
"And any midget matches that involve The Big Show are funny, and of story. Think about if Undertaker had a casket match with one and the casket was like 2 feet long, lol."
"im sure everyone has noticed that Lance Storm's tights have changed, to that black and white color. which look extremely similar to Justin Credible's. is this a sign of things to come? *Impact Players* or is this just cause they dont want to do the whole canada thing?"
"Russo must be praised as god, for two reasons... 1) he screwed hogan, and the second part of that 2) he finally put the belt on booker."
"So step back and take a look at yourself. Do you spend more time and energy and enjoyment bashing wrestling than you do actually enjoying the product? If so you should stop watching. Its not a joy in your life and isn't worth your time. Either that or find your youth again and just go 2 weeks without being on a wrestling website and see if you llike the show any better. Thats just my view of this whole bitterness on the Internet problem."
"Why isn't Leif Cassidy the current WWF CHAMPION?!!! "
"3 Reasons why Vince Russo is a moron (all obvious and well known facts, but we might as well restate them), all spoken from Russo's point of view of course: 1) Everything has to have a swerve. Who gives a crap if it's good on its own, swerve them anyway. Makes it that much more watchable. Shoot, work, shoot...who knows! 2) Remember, wrestling doesn't matter. All fans want to see is second rate actors performing second rate skits. Ring skills have nothing to do with it. 3) When in doubt, make it sleazy. God knows actual WRESTLING matches won't do sh*t for a promotion."
"I say someone needs to start a campaign to get Crowbar AND Daffney signed to WWF contracts. There were about the only thing (with a couple of exceptions) that got over in WCW in 2000 or 2001."
"Kevin Smith is the worst director I ever seen. Jay and Silent Bob are stupid characters. A couple of stoners who spout dumb-ass catch-phrases like a third rate 'Cheech and Chong' or 'Bill and Ted'. F*ck Jay and Silent Bob. F*ck them up their stupid asses."
(Hyatte's Note: Just to show that Net feuds are not just relegated to wrestling sites, the author of this post went by the name "magnolia-fan")
"He couldn't beat Hal Jordan, but anyone could kick Kyle Rayner's nancy boy ass. Well, except Sean Shannon and Eric S."
"Essa Rios sucks, and it too stupid to learn english (which would be for his own good). Just b/c he hits a high moonsault and does 3 highspots every match doesn't make him good. At least RVD and Hardy do orginal highspots. When was the last time Essa was on Raw or Smackdown in a match? He seems like a loser to me."
"you guys are forgetting the best canadian ever... this canuck has the best look the best style when the canuck enter s the ring everyone is glued to the screen and this person outshows everyone in the ring by far This is none other than... TRISH STRATUS"
"Mr. Perfect was probably the greatest Intercontinental champion of all time. It's too bad that he hit his prime when the Hogans and the Warriors ruled wrestling and never got his big break."
"Genius can't be rushed. AAT columns are coming."
(Hyatte's note: They are? Oh, I mean, yeah.. they ARE!)
"HURRICANE HELMS!!!! it would be too sweet to see matt's head bounce off of the mat after the vertebreaker!!!! hurricane is shibby!!"
"5 years ago, Sunny WAS the hottest chick in wrestling. Now shes all bloated and shit, doing soft porn with Missy Hyatt. She's never coming back to the big game."
"This is a sad forum. All of you have the same exact views on wrestling and it is pathetic becasue they are wrong. You all do waht vice wants you to do and like who vice wants you to like. Try think for your self for once"
"I'm new to this thing... Who the hell is Vice???"
"Are you thinking 'Miami Vice'? Because I know that Crocket and Tubbs pull my strings like a puppet. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to pick up my all white suit and pink t-shirt up from the cleaners."
'The odds of a bomb being on a plane are a million to one. The odds of TWO bombs being on a plane are a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and bring a bomb.'
"For the love of Christ, how on earth are the WCW guys supposed to know all of these pointless locker room laws, no wonder they always seem to have heat on them. This one in particular makes 'company men' like Austin, HHH and the Rock to sound a little less like company men and a little more like kids on an ego trip."
"Taker sucks. Period. To listen to him prattle on about 'paying dues' when he got the Push From Hell (pun intended) the day he arrived in the WWF is downright laughable."
"How feasible do you think it would be for the WWF to do either Raw or Smackdown live and without commercials. I realize they do need sponsorship. As a result, I suggest that if they were to do that, advertise in a manner similar to soccer broadcasts on ESPN and ABC. Put the advertisement in the corner and have them sponsor certain parts of the show. I for one would love to see that as I'm guessing the live crowd would to."
"Aldo Montoya. He wore a jock strap on his head and for what it's worth, he had promise. Than he hit ECW sucked until the present day."
"Hyatte f**king rulz! go blow a chimp newbie"
"Who the hell is Hyatte??"
Ah yes... the burning question. One that will be emblazoned across my tombstone one day... who the Hell WAS Hyatte?
This was Hyatte